It’s so hard to dance like nobody’s watching, especially when at times it feels the world is caving in on you.
Somehow, many years ago, my father found my blog and read it and complained that I shouldn’t be spewing my complaints all over the web. At the time, 2002, I had about 2,000 hits a month. I was linked on some pretty popular blogs. Yet that one comment killed my mojo.
I am determined to get it back.
This morning Earl woke up at 5:15 and asked for a cup of decaf. I told her to go back to bed, which she promptly did, comatose. I, however, was left awake trying to figure out how an avid coffee hater like myself has a 7 year-old who wakes up in a hotel room and thinks about decaf before she even thinks about going to the bathroom. The past several weeks have been hectic and I have a copious number of unread beloveds in my feed reader, so I started catching up.
Know how sometimes inspiration has been around the corner the entire time? The first blog I went to catch up belongs to one of my favorite neighbors (yes, the hermit is allowed to play favorites – I have four, if you must know*), Stepford Life.
My God, how I want that voice back. That ability to share, that honesty. I need it back. Heather does it so well, and largely without fear. I adore that. She can claim its borne of insanity all she wants, but this summer, I’ve been blessed to spend a handful of days with Heather and our other neighbor, Tricia, and they can both just put it all out there, online and in person. Risky? Hell yeah, but I look back and remember when I can do that – back before that little comment acted as wrecking ball to my creative freedom….I have always been awkward and shy in person, and that’s rough enough. But being able to be the honest me in front of a few was what kept me sane some days. I still feel like the people who know me best are the people who knew me first online, and that’s just sad.
So here’s to changing that. Here’s to finding that voice that’s been muted for a decade and putting Me on these pages. Here’s to dancing like nobody’s watching and blogging like nobody’s reading.
Which, um, they’re not. Here’s to not blaming them! I wouldn’t read me over the past decade either.
{*I cheat. There’s only four of them that speak to me! Ha!}
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